Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a hot homeless man
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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