Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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