I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
