my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize