He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
