I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
