tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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