Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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