My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
cat food counts as protein by the way
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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