oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
