I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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