i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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