Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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