ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
