I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
