My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize