i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
