I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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