i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
