I just made out with a guy for $7.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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