Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
