I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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