There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
