He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
