There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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