i just wanna soil my oats bro
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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