Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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