I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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