hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
