Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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