I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
