Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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