based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
