I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
