just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
