My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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