she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
