my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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