We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
