i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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