It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize