O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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