i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize