i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
