wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
