wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
