drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
