when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
