I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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