i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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