Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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