I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
