Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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