I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
