Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
