her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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