He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
