Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
