how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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