margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
