I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
