Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
