I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
