Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
