Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
