I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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