im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
