I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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