a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
