she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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