I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
