Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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